In recent times I’ve been talking through bringing up little man with a strong attachment, and it’s necessity to build a secure and confident child.
Particularly so in view of lone parenting; the importance of feeling loved yet navigating growing independence through clear boundary setting, is something I’m almost constantly assessing.
This always seems to resonate with my own feelings, largely displaced until recently.
Watching little M grow up is rewarding and rich yet tough on many levels, physically and emotionally – and I’m learning/unlearning things all the time.
Which I suppose we can only choose to do if we want to evolve as humans and attempt to create secure and happy times for our children.
The biggest thing I can evaluate of mental illness is the existence of trauma, which can involve small and big life events.
Trauma, until recently only existed for me in a physical way, something dramatic that happens, such a car accident.
It turns out that trauma can take several forms including emotional damage. The playground bully, the ex’s hurtful comments, the death of nearest and dearest for example.
I’m in the process of uncovering and shining a light on traumatic, abusive things that have happened to me. Whilst in the midst of doing the best I can to create a healthy foundation for the little man.
There is a dual process going on of learning in many ways to parent myself. To be true to myself. Being kind to myself. By goodness, it’s tough.
I’m constantly negotiating the rights, wrongs and possible consequences, of behaviours and ways of being, so I can help create a healthy emotional life for my little boy.
The thing that is springing up here is the necessity to address feelings, as and when they arise, rather than running away, hiding or avoiding.
For goodness sake, be kind, be compassionate. Let feelings happen, let them do what they need, cry, feel pain. Let them pass through rather than displacing them.
I swear it’s by not doing this that I was ill, for too long.
Allow people into your life who will support, nourish, strengthen, respect and love you. For whoever you are.
Be the person you want to be, for you. Nurture yourself as well as you do the children.
With love and kindness,